Trail – Will I ever get there?

I got an email the other day telling me someone had made a comment on my blog. So I popped over here, and, according to the stats, people are still reading it, even though I haven’t added a new post since August. You crazy folk.

Well…here comes the sentence I honestly never thought I would write: Andy and I split up a few weeks before Christmas, on November 28 to be precise. Great timing – Christmas and New Year are a bit of a blur.

It was horrible, I cried so much and so long that after a few days I couldn’t even open my eyes without them hurting. Everything I thought I had I don’t, and all the plans we had are just a memory. I am struggling, if I’m honest. I know people break up all the time, but we’ve been inseparable for over seven years, that’s almost my entire twenties, the years when you find out who you are and where you’re going. And I don’t know the answers to either of those things anymore. We’re not talking about just anyone… we’re talking about the man who got me up Catbells when I’d convinced myself I couldn’t do it, and who wiped away my tears outside the Cotswald Outdoor shop when they looked me up and down and told me they had nothing to fit. He just knew me.

I wish I could say he treated me badly, or that he is seeing someone else, but the truth is that I’ve barely seen him since he started his new job last year, he needs to sort his flat out and find somewhere to live closer to the office, and he’s just so tired and stressed all the time that all we’ve been doing is sniping at eachother. So, photographic industry, and more specifically the company he works for… there you go… you’ve worn my man down to a workaholic shadow of his former self, and you’ve broken my heart into the bargain. Thank you, thanks a bunch.

So… that’s my news. Oh, and I did finally move house in October, to my flat, which is lovely, yet lonely at times. I’m even thinking of getting a cat!

Anyway…this is supposed to be about outdoors things and getting fit… but I’ve lost my partner in crime, don’t feel particularly adventurous at the moment and can’t look at my outdoor gear without wanting to cry at the lovely memories it brings back. Sorry.

Julia Bradbury, simpering Watchdog totty presenter (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCk8FlkuAlM) who fame hungrily appeared on BBC’s singing show and has recently been bluffing her way through a Wainwright’s Walks show. Totally changed my opinion of her this weekend.

I happened to flick over the TV yesterday and saw Ms Bradbury doing some climbing. Didn’t think any more of it really as she does these sorts of things, and I knew she’d had a team of people there helping her like she does on the Wainwright show. But then the camera zoomed out, and there she is, halfway up a sea stack, having hardly ever climbed before, and I was amazed.

It was repeated tonight and I’ve just sat and watched the whole thing open mouthed. I’m hoping someone will stick it on youtube so that I can link to it.

During her first climb Julia summed up what the whole Trail Fitness Academy thing was like for me – all sorts of experts telling you that the thing they were trying to get you to do was easy, but you actually finding it far from easy and being frustrated with yourself for not being able to do it. She pushed herself way further than she ever thought she’d be able to go, and bravely admitted to not actually enjoying it half the time. I think if I’d been her I would have cheerfully slapped Tim Emmett (the experienced climber she had with her) in the face for all his “good effort, come on, you can do it” over and over again… but she managed to keep her calm with that too. Massive respect to her.

The only thing I was a bit disappointed about was that they showed the climber bloke twice jumping into deep, rocky water. It might just be me, because I work somewhere where there has just been a campaign to stop youngsters tombstoning, but I don’t think it set the best example to set him up as a role model/hero and then show him doing something young people would want to copy. I dunno…

http://juliabradbury.com/outdoor.html and http://www.timemmett.com

Just checked the weather for next week and it looks ok so I think we will be heading to the lakes, just waiting to hear from Andy about how things have gone with work this weekend and whether he’s needed on Monday. Only problem is I haven’t been able to put the tent up and check it since we put it away last year, so I’m worried it might not be in the best condition. Don’t want to spend the first night damp and the second day tent shopping!

After all that inspiration from Julia I’m even thinking of revisiting Loughrigg Hell to see if we can’t swap that H back to an F. And then, when I’ve lost 8 stone, I want to go climbing!

Oh dear, too miserable last time. Needed a swift kick up the backside!

Well, it’s all go since the last update…

I have a new boss who actually seems to be trying to get some direction into our working lives, so it’s all go at work trying to impress him and get on with work at the same time.

My flat is finished and we’re just sorting out a completion date at last!

And, this is the unbelievable thing… Andy and I have a week off next week! He did phone this morning and say there’s some big thing going on (I know what it is but am not stupid enough to write it here) and he might have to spend a day in the office next week, but all being well, we are heading to Keswick with the tent. We’ve seen a bigger tent we like the look of, so this might be the last outing for my offset dome with two porches (otherwise known as the hardest tent to put up but also the most stable I have ever camped in). He’s going to have a rush because he’s working in Rutland this weekend and then coming down here to pack up and head to Keswick on Monday, but if it means we can spend some time together sans work mobiles, that will be fab.

I am in two minds whether to attempt Catbells again. Part of me thinks I owe it to myself to give it another go, and prove I can do it with less stress than last time, and part of me thinks I should just leave it alone because I found it so hard. But then I read on the Country Walking forums about peoples’ five year old kids doing it, and how it’s an easy hill, and I feel a complete idiot and determined to do it. What to do, what to do.

Off to check the ten day forecast now, in case I have to hold Andy to his: “Ah well, if it’s rubbish weather we’ll get a sleazyjet flight and I’ll take you to Barcelona for a few nights.”

P.S – Just noticed a huge spike in people viewing my blog on August 8. Very intriguing considering there was no new post. Weird!

Shocking grammar but I’m too miserable to care. I will probably delete this in the morning but I need to rant!

This time last year I’d just had two weeks off, and I’d climbed Catbells. We were having one of the hottest summers on record and things were all rosy.

This year, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve seen Andy since May, anything I say is wrong (that’s when he’s not too tired to even talk to me) and I can’t see us getting a holiday this year, or ever again at this rate. I’ve given up pointing out that nobody is indispensible, there’s a whole world out there and if he were to be run over by a bus tomorrow (or have a heart attack from stress, which is more likely), they would just get someone else to fill his shoes, but apparently I don’t understand.

To top it all, my flat still isn’t ready, four months after I signed and paid the reservation fee and three months after they said it was completed and ready to move into. Today they said they wanted to serve notice on me to complete and exchange by a certain date, or they would remarket it. It’s not even me holding the process up – it’s their legal department!

I hate the british summer, I hate the entire photographic industry and I hate everyone who’s had a hand in my flat purchase!

P.S I forgot something. After being nagged by Michael and Helen from Paramo I finally phoned up and paid for my Alta jacket today. No, I didn’t get to keep it for free like the others did with all their Blacks kit, but they did me a deal, and to be honest I know which brand I’d rather have! At least with this rubbish weather I’ve no excuse not to wear it!

Paramo are 15 this year, and it looks like they have a new website to celebrate: www.paramo.co.uk – lots of gorgeous stuff on there, and some ridiculously good deals.

If it weren’t for the fact I already have a lot of kit thanks to their generosity, which I already don’t wear enough (my poor Alta must wonder when it’s going to see a mountain instead of just the back end of my dog) I would be straight over to Reading with my money. As it stands, I’ll just stick to telling everyone else about it

Trail has a new blog: trailgear.blogspot.com

It looks really good, so lets hope the long awaited website isn’t far behind and they have enough content to keep the magazine fresh too (you know where I am if you need more writers)!

Andy is away this weekend and I have no plans, so I’m gently contemplating getting out and doing something on my own, whether that be on foot or on the bike. Never been out alone before though, and a bit scared of having only myself for company when I inevitably fall over and break something!

Andy wont be joining me walking for a while however, as his knee is muellered after Photoplod. Both me and my physio mum have told him he needs to get someone to look at it, but he’s doing the bloke thing of: “If I ignore it it will go away, no, that ominous crunching sound really isn’t a problem and it doesn’t matter that if I kneel down I can’t get up.” Men!

Let me start by telling you how proud I am of my boyfriend tonight. He has a habit of deciding to do things and, because he is just bloody stubborn, somehow managing to achieve greatness (Glasgow to Edinburgh cycle ride being one – he does it every year with virtually no training, and always beats his friends and comes home with no side effects). I could take a leaf out of his ‘giving up is not an option’ book. I have to admit I thought he’d bitten off more than he could chew when he announced he was taking part in Photoplod (www.photoplod.com) – a 42 mile walk all along the South Downs way, starting at midnight and finishing some time the next day, especially as he’s been so busy recently that training seemed to consist of just the one 12 mile walk in the run up to the event (don’t worry, I stocked him up with vaseline and blister plasters before he went yesterday, but it doesn’t sound like he needed it). The website says that teams normally finish by late afternoon, so how surprised was I to get a text at 1pm this afternoon, saying that they had finished, and he’d managed to do 38 of the 42 miles before his knee gave up in protest (it never has enjoyed going downhill) and he’s already decided he’s going back next year. It’s just something I could not even contemplate doing – 42 miles is bad enough, even before you add in sleep deprivation! So, Andy, if you ever read this, I am totally in awe and proud of you, although I do think you’re crazy.

It took me about three weeks before I stopped feeling randomly sick all the time after the 11 mile cycle ride and I’ve not been back on the bike since for a number of rubbish reasons like work and sheer laziness. I don’t know if dehydration can do that to you or if I was sickening for something anyway, but I haven’t felt so strange for a long time.

Still no news on the flat – there were loads of snags still when I went for a look round a couple of weeks ago and I’ve not heard a dicky bird about it since. It’s annoying because it’s in the middle of a conservation/wooded area where it would be safe for a nervous cycler like me to potter about on my own. Fingers crossed I’ll be in by August.

Just looking at booking a holiday in Tuscany – feel free to tell me about any good walking areas around there. I don’t know whether to pack my boots or not!

Congratulations to fellow recruit Emma – you’ll have to visit her blog to see why (and it’s totally unconnected to the fact that everyone around me seems to be getting pregnant at the moment, before you jump to that conclusion!)

The Trail thing is now officially over, and looking at the write up of the last expedition in the magazine, I’m quite glad I didn’t go. Looks like they walked a long way carrying a lot of kit and had a very uncomfortable night. I love the outdoors, and I enjoy camping, but I don’t believe in making things even more difficult for yourself! It’s a shame it’s over, and I appear to be the one who got the least out of it, but such is life. I’m not going to beat myself, or Trail, up any more about it.

Good news first!

I rode 11 miles yesterday on my bike! 11 miles! I’ve never even walked that far, let alone ridden! I have to praise Hampshire County Council at this point – I never realised they had a whole section of off road biking routes on their website, and this one was a cracker along a disused railway line to Stockbridge and back. I never thought I could do it, and was amazed. Miles 1-5 were great, 6,7 and 8 were a bit challenging and then I found my legs for the last three miles. Am still in a bit of shock that I actually did it!

Bad news:

Last week I uncovered my practically brand new mountain bike, bought new for me two years ago and never used. I fitted some lights and a new computer, and pumped up the tyres. But I knew deep down I was never going to ride it.

Until yesterday, when everything changed.

I, possibly the fattest person on two wheels, rode 2.5 miles yesterday in 25 minutes, burning 171 calories and 1.6g of fat. Some way to got before I’m Lance Armstrong, but it’s a start.

And I quite enjoyed it.

On the one hand it’s a good job I didn’t go on the Trail trip this weekend, because I ended up having to go into work today to get some things done and had I gone away I would have been even more behind.

On the other hand all I’ve thought all weekend is: “I wonder how they’re getting on, what they’re doing, if they’re having fun.” I feel so left out! Sian didn’t go either so I’ve been checking Emma’s blog tonight to see if she’s got home yet. I need details!