Trail – Will I ever get there?

I injured myself.
Last week it snowed so much that it had to be impossible to climb Snowdon.
Bremex have ceased operating.

The Wales trip had to be off, it just had to be. Finally there was a legitimate reason not to go, apart from “I don’t want to look like a plank.” But then…

My knee stopped swelling up and stopped hurting.
The snow melted.
Somehow Trail are still doing the trip with the same instructors, just no Bremex.

Normally I pride myself on being intelligent enough to have enough vocabulary not to need to swear in my writing, but… damn! There really is no way of getting out of this trip with my head still held high, and to top it all Sian thinks it’ll be a five hour drive from Basingstoke to Capel Curig, when I’ve already worked a full week in four days to get Friday off! There have to be some hills in the south somewhere, really there do. And what’s the fascination with hills anyway? Once you’re up there all you have to do is come down again!

I am more scared about this than I was about the Lakes trip. At least then I’d been lulled into a false sense of security by “It’s not a difficult hill and you wont be made to do anything you don’t want to…”. There must still be a crazy part of me that wants to do it though, as I still spent £100+ (again!) in Cotswold at the weekend getting the last few bits on the list. Tell me, what are my chances of actually needing a head torch and survival bag when I’m in the company of people who are supposed to know what they’re doing?!

I think part of the problem is that I’m still, essentially, the same person I was when we started, whereas people like Emma and Sian have made real changes to their lives like running and going out and about. I’ve increased my water intake and been on some walks, but realistically, that’s about it.

Anyway, seeing as it would appear I’ve got to go through with this, I’ve got to write a list of things I want to achieve with my one-to-one Mountain Leader Steve Holding (do you think he gets post addressed to him like that?) I really hope he’s nice – I can’t take being humiliated and hating the instructor! The fact that it was one-to-one was the only reason I agreed to come as I know the others are so far ahead of me. If I get there and we’re all in one group, the five hour drive wont matter – I’ll be going straight home.

So…

1. Not climb Snowdon. In fact, not climb anything if I can help it. I wont be able to do it, it will be the same as Loughrigh Hell and I’ll just go home demoralised and feeling rubbish.
2. I would actually like to learn how to map read properly, and what it means when it says things like ‘walk on a bearing of…’. I can spot things on the map, do grid references and spot a steep bit of ground, but that’s about it and I’d like to do more.
3. Some easy scrambling would be cool, providing there aren’t any Loughrigg style hills to get to it.

My brain is too tired to think now… I’ll be back!

Remember those AA adverts where the old lady in the car is rescued by “a very nice man, a very very nice man..”? That’s exactly how I’d describe Michael from Paramo, who came to visit me today. Even Willow, the slightly psychotic collie, loved him, and that’s praise indeed.

I was a bit worried when he said he’d been reading my blog and I was reminded several times that I’d described one of their expertly crafted, terribly expensive jackets as ‘frumpy’, and of the pasting I gave Trail the morning after the magazine came out. Still, I guess they can rest assured that I’m not one of those people who will say nice things about something just because it’s been given to me. That’s no use to anyone really.

I desperately wanted the Viento or one of the red jackets to fit me, because they were the prettiest and a more modern cut, but after trying what felt like the entire stock of Paramo on, I am now the proud owner of a Paramo Alta jacket in green. Yes, that’s the one I thought was frumpy in purple – it’s better in green – and yes, I did say ladies. Never before have I been able to get ladie’s outdoor gear to fit. Thank you Paramo, I think I love you.

I also now know what each and every feature of the jacket does, and can’t wait to try it out. The best bit is being able to see where I’m going with the hood up because I’ve been shown how to adjust it! When you put my jacket on, it’s like slipping into a slinky duvet and slippers with a hot chocolate, when all outside is cold and frosty. I just know I’m going to be snug and warm, especially as they’ve also slipped me a base layer t-shirt and two clever tops that are fleecy on one side and slinky on the other. Oh, and some Nikwax. I’m kind of running out of excuses not to climb that mountain now!

I just can’t believe how generous Paramo have been. I’m about as far away from being their average customer as you can get, and yet they’ve bent over backwards to be nice to me and give me the things they think I’ll need.

It’s so nice to come across people who genuinely care about what they’re selling, and actually know their stuff. And, spookily, it turned out that the Paramo man knew Andy. A small world, but a nice place to be today.

…it’s official. I had porridge for breakfast every day last week, and I’ve put back on every single one of the five pounds I lost the week before. I didn’t do anything else differently, so I’m blaming breakfast. Phnar.

Just back from a gorgeous weekend away with Andy. Much needed – I reminded myself what he actually looks like! We went to Avebury on Saturday for a walk around the stones and things. I’d never been but Andy used to go there a lot when he was younger and loves it. I can see why – it’s got a strange calmness about it. We were planning to walk up Windmill hill but it was still pretty windy and the walk warned it was very exposed.

From there we drove on to Bath and checked into our hotel – one of the few in the city that actually had parking. (It didn’t escape my notice that the entire Marseilles rugby team were checking in at the same time – quite a view!)

Our walk round Avebury and the mammoth trek into town for dinner (because we walked the wrong way along the river side – it is actually only a three minute walk) ensured that I was well on the way to 16,000 steps by the end of the day! Probably a good job as we went to an amazing Italian that Andy had been to with work before, and I ordered pizza that would have easily fed six people. In my defence, I didn’t finish it! And there was wine…in the restaurant and back at the hotel (where the rugby players resurfaced…). I’ve discovered that as i now barely drink anything, four glasses of wine and I’m really rather drunk. This coming from the girl who used to regularly get through bottles of the stuff is somewhat of a shock!

I was definitley missing my glasses of water by Sunday morning and must have consumed my own body weight (lots!) in fruit salad and apple juice in an effort to rehydrate. By the time it came to the cooked breakfast, recovery was well on the way.

Sunday was shopping day, and I clocked up 9000 steps in the pursuit of perfect knee high boots. Three pairs in fact.

Tonight a man from Paramo is coming to my house armed with more jackets for me to try on in the pursuit of the one that will hopefully be my friend for years to come. Now that’s what I call service!

I spent the day at the zoo today! It’s a tough job I do, but someone has to do it. Seriously, there was work to be done, and what a drive I had to get there this morning in the wind! I don’t think I was as scared as the rhinos must have been though (or their keepers) when a tree came down on their enclosure.

Anyway, the conference was over, we’d caught the zoo train back to the gate and I was walking back over the wooden walkway to the car park, when I slipped. I went down heavily (well, everything I do, I do heavily) on one knee and one wrist. My wrist is fine but I’ve jarred my shoulder and my knee is sore and swolen. I’m sure it will all be fine in the morning, and on the bright side, as I fell I did manage to save the beautiful Radley bag that Andy gave me for Christmas.

More good news is that I had a huge box arrive for me today – the secret mission continues! As you’ll no doubt remember, I didn’t get a Blacks waterproof as they didn’t fit me. Claire very kindly listened to my wishes not to have to wear tons of layers under a coat and look even more fat than I am, and contacted Paramo, who are loaning me a jacket to test for six months. Knowing how much Andy loves his Paramo coats, I think I’ll be tempted to pay to keep it after six months.

I was told I could choose from an Alta, Alta II and Curzo, but when I went to Altimus at the weekend the only thing they had in an XL was a Viento and that was a tiny tiny bit tight. So Claire got on the case and in my box today was a ladies Alta in XL, a men’s Aspira jacket in XXL, a men’s Aspira smock in XXL and a men’s Viento in XXL. I had tried a Viento in the shop and really liked it, but the XL was just a smidge too tight on the hips as it was a mens, and men don’t have hips!

Amazingly, the ladie’s jacket fits – just! But I don’t really like it…the true outdoor enthusiasts among you will hate me for saying this but I don’t like the colour and it looks a bit frumpy! The men’s XXL garments were far too long in the arms and big all over…and when I put the hood up I was swamped!

I still love the Viento, and I love the Aspira jacket even more but wonder if a serious mountaineering jacket for what I will actually be doing is just a bit toooooo much! The phrase ‘all the gear and no idea’ springs to mind.

So…I’ve asked Paramo if I can try a ladies XL and XXL Aspira jacket and Viento Jackets…and watch this space! (Thank you again, Paramo, and thank you Claire for sorting it out).

At least trying on Paramo stuff is keeping me occupied when I’m too scared to go outside in case I get hit by flying trees, cats or dustbins!

If I said to you I had found an outdoor shop with knowledgable and friendly staff equal to anyone George Fishers has, where would you think is was? Ambleside maybe? Bets y Coed possibly? Tucked in the corner of a shabby mall in Reading…yes really.

I had a top secret mission to fulfill for Trail (well actually not that secret but it hasn’t come good yet so I’m not spilling the beans) which meant I needed to find a stockist of a certain item of clothing. Altimus was my nearest. I’d been there before and been impressed by the staff but the man I spoke to, Jay, really knew his stuff.

I was trying something on and it fitted everywhere but in one place. Jay knew exactly how the manufacturer could tailor it to fit and the properties of the garment and how they would/would not be affected. He knew all the gear inside out and was a joy to watch with customers (does that sound a bit sad… maybe I’m just jaded from all the bad service I’ve had in outdoor shops over the years – “sorry, we’ve nothing to fit you here.”)

I felt guilty that I couldn’t buy the garment there and then, but hopefully there is more to come on that.

If you’re in the south and you need outdoor gear, take a trip to Altimus and you shouldn’t be disappointed.

An apology!
I’ve had an email from Claire apologising if I was offended by any of the things written about me in the Trail article. I am not so much offended as disappointed by the things that were written that were not true. But as I said to Claire, it’s done now so lets not mention it again.

I’ve done a video!
Finding myself with time on my hands this weekend meant I had time to play with the features on my phone and make a video. The quality isn’t great, I swing between frightfully posh, cockney and black country (much like I do day to day really) and yet again I look bald as I’ve got my hair up, but it is here for anyone who wants a peek: www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUQvj6LhCx4

I’m going to Wales, baby!
I’ve been deliberating over the next Trail Academy trip for so long… mainly because I don’t feel I’ve made much progress, and the mere fact that we’re going to do mountain skills in Snowdonia tells me I’m going to be expected to climb some kind of mammoth mountain that I wont be able to do, and I’ll hold everyone back.

However, Claire emailed me today and told me that if I wanted, I could let the others go off and I could have one to one training with Mountain Leader Steve Holding (whoever he may be – hope he’s nice) at my own pace. How could I refuse? More importantly, when will I ever get the opportunity to do this again?

Am very…very… scared. But I’ve written it now…so no going back.

Eek!

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/6263029.stm

Yes, that’s five….FIVE pounds lost in the last week, putting me back on track after Christmas and taking me to six pounds lost since I started the Trail thing.

I’m at a bit of a loose end this weekend as Andy’s working (one day, probably when he’s too old to do anything about it, he’ll wake up and realise that, although he’s great at his job, he’s not indispensible and he’s wasted his life working so hard under the mistaken impression that the world will end if he doesn’t…but who am I to comment anywhere but here…) and will be away doing one thing and another until next weekend. So by then we will have spent precisely 90 minutes together in two weeks, but it can’t be helped, and on a positive note it gives me lots of free time to do things that will make me fit!

Inspired by Emma I’ve been looking on the Runnersworld website and wonder if I might follow their training plan to work up to completing a 5K run in the summer. I think what’s missing for me is something to aim for, so that could be it. We’ll see.

I made it to five minutes fifteen seconds on Stanley Stepper earlier, but the six minutes are so far proving elusive. I’ll keep trying!

Trail, you have humiliated and defamed me, but you’re not going to shame me into giving up.

Managed my eight glasses of water today with no problem – for some reason they slip down more easily in the afternoon. Had a fantastic day at work in terms of getting things done and feeling like I’m getting somewhere – maybe, just maybe, the two are connected. Doug now has a water chart too – if nothing else I’m helping the rest of the office get healthy too.

Went out tonight for meal with some people from work and had a great time. Haven’t laughed quite so much in ages! There was salad involved, and no pudding and no alcohol. Be proud of me!

My mum and dad have now seen Trail. My dad’s comment was: “You wouldn’t know it was you” and my mum’s was: “So you’ll be buying up all the copies then to stop people seeing that photo…at least nobody you know will see it.” Hmmm. Perhaps it’s not just me then! I’ve asked Claire to send me some of the other photos from the trip so at least I can put them here and they’ll get to see the light of day. It does make me wonder what they’re going to do with all the answers to questions and extra photos we’ve been sending in over the past few weeks. Be afraid, be very afraid.

In my job, I regularly deal with journalists who misquote you, twist things to suit their agenda or simply write things that aren’t true. The nature of our work means this is something you just expect. Perhaps, though, I was naive to assume that the same would not apply to Trail.

How do I feel tonight? Angry, cheated, humiliated, all of those things. But mainly, just very, very disappointed.

Here’s a quote to get you started (Trail Magazine February 2007):

As summits go, Loughrigg is no Himalayan peak. It doesn’t hide an alpine-style ridge and it certainly doesn’t warrant comparison with Scotland’s Munros. Even in it’s own Lakeland setting, this 335m hill outside Ambleside is something of a pimple, overlooked by the majority of hill walkers.

Roughly translates as: ‘We at Trail think it’s a piece of cake and any achievement you thought you had made up there is actually quite laughable.’

But for Sarah Julian, summiting has involved tears, repeated attempts to turn back and a couple of near tantrums as she struggled with boots that wouldn’t grip on soggy grass.

Er…only one of those statements is anything like true, and even that is a weak one. I’ve already written about how I shed a few tears at one point, but they were soon cleared up. I’d be interested to know where the repeated attempts to turn back and near tantrums were though, because I certainly don’t recall any, and believe me if I’d had a tantrum you would have known about it, and if I’d wanted to turn back, I just would have done.

As for the boots – that’s an outright lie. My boots are wonderful. They were fitted for me at George Fishers in Keswick a couple of years ago and were the best money I have ever spent on outdoor gear – I’d wear them to work if I could they’re that comfy. I have certainly never slipped in them, let alone done it on the Lakes trip. Call me a cynic but I doubt that would have been written if I’d been wearing the sponsor’s boots, even if I had slipped.

The most disappointing thing is that, even though I’ve set the record straight here, Trail didn’t print any blog addresses and they’re not on the online newsletter despite them saying they would be, so nobody is ever going to know any different to what is written in the magazine.

Andy did try and make me feel better in his classic back-handed compliment way, telling me that to be fair, none of us look great in the photo, and I should be flattered that they chose me to start the piece with. But even he said it looked like I’ve been made a bit of a scapegoat/token fat person. Hmmm.

And now onto the main photo. Do you remember I wrote about having to balance on a pointy rock for a photo and getting a bruise? Well, despite there being different ones of us all looking happy and holding the signs in the air like the enthusiastic people we were, the one of us sitting down is the one they’ve used. And because I was balanced so precariously, my legs look detached from my body, my hair looks a state and I’m pulling a stupid face.

So not only have Trail turned me into the stereotypical fat person who does nothing but whinge and thrown tantrums, they’ve made me look a muppet to boot. Thanks, thanks a lot.

If you take me out of the equasion, in general the article is very disappointing. There is no mention of the actual walk we did (unless you count a route later on in the magazine that mentions us briefly) or the fact that many of us tried scrambling for the first time. I know I’m not the only one left wondering why we bothered doing the trip at all if this is the only coverage it’s going to get. Personally I gave up two days leave, a full tank of diesel and spent loads on new outdoor gear from the list we were given – was it really worth it? There’s a bit in the piece about how we’re going to get all this help from experts and that Darren is going to create a training schedule for each of us. I haven’t seen any of that – all I get is emails asking me what I’ve done, which isn’t very helpful when you joined the thing in the first place because you didn’t know what to do.

After the excitement of handing in my work and having more free time I was actually starting to get really motivated about this (a bit late, I know) – even managed my full 2L of water today again and went for a walk. But now I just feel a bit…. flat.

At the moment I can’t decide between two frames of mind. Do I think ‘You’ve humiliated me and I want nothing more to do with you’ or ‘You’ve humiliated me, but I will prove you wrong.’ Maybe I will know the answer when I wake up.